Feeling low again today, like I’m going through the motions. I have no drive to even talk to anyone or walk or breathe or whatever. I’m just so tired. It’s because I keep thinking stupid thoughts and arguing with myself and it’s not a good use of time or energy. Looked up some of the stuff ck did today cos I was feeling self destructive. It’s got nothing to do with me but still makes me feel fucked up, just wanted to wallow even further. I don’t know why I am feeling like this, it’s just loads of wee things (see previous post) that are coming together and doing my head in. H said she felt like machining people but to me i’d rather stab them- the feeling must be much more rewarding, although less efficient, than gunning them down. blah blah blah i talk for the sake of it. i moan for the sake of it. I can feel the happy part of me is still there in my head but it’s just hard to get to. i think I sound like a fucking teenager in these posts- “woe is me- oh life is against me! life owes me something! ” i just want to get wasted and hang out in a house on my own for 2 weeks and not see anyone and forget they all exist. listening to ballboy: club anthems. and arcade fire: funeral. rock on.