also

Also, I don’t get what she thinks she will achieve by giving me an ultimatum. If I stay i will hate it, if i go I will worry. So I’m just going to be sad. I can’t work when i’m down, I was down all summer and I thought things were getting better. I don’t feel like working now, I feel like crying. So many people said just book it and go but I can’t do that I am not good with guilt. I am just tired from emotion now. I do love C and he will understand if I don’t go but I don’t want to have to say I can’t go or to put him in a situation where he has to tell me to stay, and I don’t want to be a wuss, i don’t want to have no control over my own life. and that’s what I feel like just now. So I just want to sit on the floor and curl into a ball. Why does it have to be like this? Why can’t it be normal: work, go home, work, have holiday, work, blah blah blah, I haven’t taken any holiday so legally I’m entitled to some- how can they kick me out for that? when others don’t have anything done to them? I just feel like a teenager, like life is unfair, like I can’t do what I want. I haven’t felt that for 6 years, why do I have to have that back now?

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