I am just sitting at work waiting for another professor’s samples to dry before I can go home. I have decided I’m a crap scientist- if you/I remember a post I wrote a while ago about bad characteristics I have, then the fact I have no patience I think means being a scientist is not a good career choice. I do think i have been patient in some ways though- I’ve waited almost 2 and a half years in this PhD to get data and I’m still waiting. I also dont deal with failure well… but then I have dealt again over 2 and a half years with consistent failure. I am just pretty crap. I dont want to quit, imagine:
me: hello mr employer, can i have a job?
them: what is your educational history?
me: I quit 2 PhDs
them: goodbye

i’d like to try to leave with a masters, but I think Jane wants me out on my arse one way or another… lets face it I may have done some good stuff for department (organising journal clubs, helping with science communication and courses, organising christmas party, writing for Nature) but I’ve done F all for lab (no publications, no data, a waste of space, time and money). I dont want to feel like a failure but I just gotta realise I’m not very good. Maybe if I was doing an easier PhD I could get through it but after this long, getting nothing in return not even encouragement from my supervisor, I feel pretty shite.

I felt bad today too- email from ex-husband who is a dick and text from boyfriend who was sad thinking of dead friends and I couldnt talk to him or be with him and he’s 9 hrs ahead so i cant even call him when I go home.

whatever. loser.


One thought on “fsvskmvdsmvl

  1. Now that’s enough of that!!!! Patient people do not necessarily ENJOY the waiting….they just do it. Sounds like you’ve shown great patience so far. Especially putting up with a less than supportive supervisor. Perhaps the miserable short days and long nights at this time of year are getting to you. Shine a torch in your eyes for 10 minutes and then eat mince pies and drink egg nog. You’ll feel better in the morning 🙂

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