I am just sitting at work waiting for another professor’s samples to dry before I can go home. I have decided I’m a crap scientist- if you/I remember a post I wrote a while ago about bad characteristics I have, then the fact I have no patience I think means being a scientist is not a good career choice. I do think i have been patient in some ways though- I’ve waited almost 2 and a half years in this PhD to get data and I’m still waiting. I also dont deal with failure well… but then I have dealt again over 2 and a half years with consistent failure. I am just pretty crap. I dont want to quit, imagine:
me: hello mr employer, can i have a job?
them: what is your educational history?
me: I quit 2 PhDs
i’d like to try to leave with a masters, but I think Jane wants me out on my arse one way or another… lets face it I may have done some good stuff for department (organising journal clubs, helping with science communication and courses, organising christmas party, writing for Nature) but I’ve done F all for lab (no publications, no data, a waste of space, time and money). I dont want to feel like a failure but I just gotta realise I’m not very good. Maybe if I was doing an easier PhD I could get through it but after this long, getting nothing in return not even encouragement from my supervisor, I feel pretty shite.
I felt bad today too- email from ex-husband who is a dick and text from boyfriend who was sad thinking of dead friends and I couldnt talk to him or be with him and he’s 9 hrs ahead so i cant even call him when I go home.