felt down on friday, with jane basically telling me i’m a quitter and wont succeed in life and that Sainsbury’s is looking for a shelf stacker and that I am pathetic and I won’t cope with anything and no-one will employ me and that I am half-arsed and don’t think
all i could say is, yeah, i think you’re right
why did I say that? I just felt even more defeated and angry with myself, I was being pathetic
Got spectacularly wasted friday night and didnt get out of bed til 4pm saturday and then went to work at 6, so that was stupid
had first training today for the helpline, it was really hard but really good, started right on it, and it was different than I thought, though I wasnt sure what to expect. One of the girls leading it is training to be a lawyer just now, I think that would be good, to be able to make a difference like that too. Did you know it was only in 1994 it became law that a husband could be found guilty of raping his wife?
I like working as a volunteer, or working for the community, or for charity. maybe I could do a job with that? having a job I enjoy and where I can make a difference would beat a well paid job any day
I am going to be more positive this week and look after myself, put no more crap into my body and going for a run tomorrow. Made some chicken soup. Seeing head of graduate studies and if I speak to jane I will take someone with me, I hope, I have to be strong, I just get so scared, but I need to stand up to her to feel good about myself too, to know I am not a door mat and I don’t deserve this.
I wish sometimes I had LMK in the same time zone and country to call, hey if you’re reading this I miss you. Wish i had C here too, talked to him last night til 3am, he makes me laugh. Pre-emptive boop indeed. He was telling me about the family guy episode where stephen hawking and his mrs are both in wheelchairs with voice synthesizers and he says ‘don’t make me strike you’ then rams his wheelchair into hers.completely non-PC, incorrect and offensive but I still found it funny, mainly because we have an in-joke about stephen hawking and passing the salt…