I cant really relax cos I dont know what’s going to happen, will I have to pay back my money since september as jane says (£6000)?? Will I have to pay council tax now? Will I have to move house? will I have to look for a job right now? will I get a masters or not? will I know any of this before I go to Australia? stress stress
wish i knew healthy ways of not thinking about it and sleeping at night and not worrying
I felt a bit good today because I told Jane that I wanted to convert to masters and that we would have a meeting when I got back from oz. when she said i couldnt get a masters i just said that that would be for the committee to decide. when she said she was disappointed and that I was wasting my life I said that, well, that was her opinion and I didnt agree with it. when she said I would have to pay the money back, I said that Hugh said I wouldnt have to. He was nice this morning, he said some people take 4 years funding to the end to write a masters, and when i said I didnt want to take money and not be in the lab he said to not worry about it and that most people get paid to write up. however when I went to check after what jane said he wasnt quite so sure but said he would find out… so a bit more stressed out.
Miltos said (but said not to say anything to Jane) that I should think about using the rest of my funding to work in someone elses lab on a solid project and I could maybe even get a PhD out of 2 years if I busted a gut.
I said I didnt know if I wanted to do that though… and I dont want to rush into anything. I would like a fresh start and I would like to work for a couple of months not doing anything too stressful and think about what i’d like to do… I just dont know when these few months will be- starting tomorrow, in a few weeks, in a few months- I am waiting on information and decisions on other people and I am not doing anything- it is so frustrating and boring to not be able to do anything! aghhh!!!
think I will go for a run now. tired tired want drama over and just get on with it.
but there is nothing I can do so will just focus on something else, some exercise and read a book and tidy my room and try not to stress, nothing I can do nothing i can do nothing I can do just keep telling myself this and to relax!
One day this will be over and I will write a sane-ish post about nice things like recipes and music and movies. promise.