5 hrs ago

5 hrs ago I had a raging headache and had been crying and felt like crap. I feel OK now on my sofa with a hot water bottle and a wooly hat and socks on, a duvet and having just eaten macaroni cheese and chocolate cornflake thingies. Slept a bit too.

at work today spoke to quite a few people getting lots of different advice- Miltos, Robert, Hugh, Peter and friends… not sure what is the right thing.

think I am going to try to suspend/defer my status now. both hugh and peter say I dont have to pay money back. Miltos says I can work with someone else, not Jane, and do other work, learn more skills, new project, whatever I want.

felt bad today cos robert told me I should apologise to jane an be a bigger person than her as I have got her back up (from yesterday, standing up for myself) robert says jane thinks I went in all guns blazing and aggressive… I just felt I stood up for myself for once… disagreeing with jane, is that being agressive?

anyways, I like robert and respect him for a lot of reasons, so I do feel like maybe I should apologise, but then again will that go back on my self esteem? it took me so long and ranting on this blog to just stand up to her a little bit, but maybe it does make me a bigger person if i can aplologise? but then I think what if it isn’t a good thing, and it will just mess my mind up more? woah so many things, but just trying to relax. went for another run got absolutely soaked, and had to go to bed afterwards, but feel good now.

Hope everyone reading this is well and having fun wherever they are xx


5 thoughts on “5 hrs ago

  1. Don’t you DARE apologise! If you DO want to be a ‘bigger person’ you could tell her you are sorry that she was upset by your conversation or that you are sorry she felt you were being aggressive but you stand by everything you said even if the manner in which you said it was difficult for her to hear. Is Robert telling you this because he thinks she can do some damage to your long term options? That’s the ONLY reason I can think of for keeping her ‘on side’….oh…that and that she is another human being who has feelings and obviously ISSUES if she can’t cope with being disagreed with and perhaps needs your approval and kindness? But that last bit is just a long shot 😀

  2. I agree with arizaphale. DONT apologise for what you said! Jane is probably just pissed off that you are finally sticking up for yourself and she might have to go find someone else to bully!

  3. Man, you’re getting some strong advice. I was just going to offer you a cookie…

    Anonymous has a familiar writing style, hmmm…..

  4. I am new to this whole situation, but my experience in standing up for yourself goes like this: The first time you finally stand up for yourself, people tend to freak out. They think you are mental, call you a bitch. They ask you what the hell happened to you. They take the whole thing out of context because you have moved the relationship out of THEIR comfort zone.

    The good thing is that if you stick with it and continue to stand up for yourself, a new equilibrium is created and it gets much much easier. I hope your headache is better.

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