so it’s almost 7am in Britain but I’ve been awake for a while so I thought I may as well turn on the computer and browse my life away.
Yesterday I suspended my student status, then I went down the recruitment agency, and now I have a job starting Monday. In the Council. Working in office admin stuff. £8.50 per hour- is that good or bad? I have no idea. what does that work out to per month after tax? I have no idea. I hope over £1000 or I’ll be earning less than I was as a student and that would blow. I gotta go to the recruitment place today and show them my passport, and I may find out that the job has already gone. But we’ll see, I need to earn some Money soon as when J signed off my form she said when I come back I’ll have to work for free for at least 3 months….
And that’s the thing now. I am so happy to be out the lab for a bit but also to have something to do. I can stop pretending that’s the life for me. I think I will end up going back to do a masters, as it would be a waste not to, even though the thought of more experiments and reading fern papers fills me with dread at the moment. I could go back and carry on with PhD, but as I was saying to some colleagues over lunch at edamame yesterday, I want to finish my PhD now for the following reasons: 1. for my self respect- I’ve started so I’ll finish 2. for my self respect- so that I don’t look down on myself or feel others looking down on me
and I don’t really think those reasons are good enough. I just know that in academia you gotta have a PhD or you’re a loser basically, and lots of people judge you on whether you have a PhD or not, and having one would take that insecurity away. But that’s a crap reason really, I should just be confident in myself without having a PhD to prove something. I’m worried that without one people will think I’m stupid, but I think I gotta just like myself and be confident in myself more. Hopefully this will come during my time out the lab and I can get my self esteem back by not working under Jane any more. I really hope so cos I feel I’ve lost that confidence in myself that I had, since my marriage to someone who didn’t make me feel great and working under a boss who didn’t make me feel good at all.
So will let you know how the job goes. Also working in pub to help out with lots of hours as they’re taking on another pub too and so are short staffed, even though I’m trying to wean my way out as I don’t enjoy it so much: it’s OK when busy but often it’s dead quiet and you have to chat to some boring old fart nursing his pint for hours telling you his latest opinions as though that justifies them. blah!
Also doing lots of volunteering as have to catch up with lots of training sessions I’ve missed while on holiday.
Ok, off to email, facebook, BBC news and other sites to while away the time xx