Pensive Pessimist

Hello lovely people of the blogging world

Today I’ve been thinking about relationships and was wondering on your views on the following:

I was thinking today about beginnings and ends of relationships. In my last relationship, I fell in love and at the beginning all I could do was think of him, I couldn’t focus properly on anything else. I wouldn’t be able to sleep thinking I was going to see him and I hung on his every word. Looking back I don’t think that was the best way to be as I couldn’t eat or sleep properly and probably gave him all the control in the relationship so that I would drop all plans at a seconds notice to see him, but I guess I was infatuated. This mellowed as it does into a relationship where things are homey and nice, you meet each other for lunch, you have ‘in’ jokes, you go on holidays and visit family etc. etc. It’s hard for me to write this now as I think of the things I thought and wrote at that time, how I thought he was the one for me, and how, by the end, I couldn’t stand the sight of him.

Being in a different relationship now, it’s good. I meet him for lunch, we have ‘in’ jokes, we do the crossword together and lie in on the weekend. I mean I’m happy, but I can see myself and I wonder if I was how I am now in my previous relationship and is that a bad thing? Will I end up hating the man who I now love? are these things inevitable? how can you know? How can I make things different this time, or is it all just chance?

I guess I want to know these things so I stop being pessimistic- things are so good now I don’t want them to end but will they one day? Just as in my last relationship- where I was married- and then things went sour?

Of course these are different circumstances and different people, but how much relies on me? and how much on chance? can you ever tell if a relationship will work out?

I tell myself just be thankful for now and get on with it, but today I couldn’t help wondering if other people have these thoughts and how they deal with them? I texted C today and told him I loved him, but how many times did I tell my husband I loved him?

I sound so adolescent but I am naiive, I grew up only surrounded by women and never lived in a house where there was a relationship going on, my grampa was alone too so I never got an insight into couple life, so I have nothing to judge it against except media and stories from others. I’ve also only had 1 long term relationship, my marriage, the rest of the boys I only went out with a few days, weeks or months, and didn’t really care about that much.

How are some relationships different from others? how can you keep them from going bad? how can you ever know? do you ever think what if something goes wrong? or have you been through this and now have the philosophy of living for now?


2 thoughts on “Pensive Pessimist

  1. There’s an advice columnist (I know, I know, but he’s really good) who always says that all relationships fail until one doesn’t. So stop obsessing and get to work!

  2. Stop obsessing is good advice but as a girl who has had MANY relationships I understand your musings.
    The thing that changed for me in my many relationships….was me. After I had my daughter and my divorce I went through ten years without a relationship and did some fantastic counselling as well. The thing I needed to sort out was my relationship with me and when I had done that, I had something positive to offer to a bloke. I also didn’t put up with crap blokes anymore because I knew I could be OK on my own. Ask yourself what was wrong with the interactions between your husband and you and then ask yourself if the same things occur in present relationship. That should give you a bit of a heads up as to whether you’re on the same merry-go-round.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s