I was feeling a bit low this morning too as I saw an old blog of mine that I made with my ex-husband of all the trips we made. he’s deleted every photo of me off there. I dont mind, i deleted all photos of him and removed him as a freind on facebook etc within a week of moving out. It just fucks with my head that I hate someone I once loved. Actually I dont think i hate him, I just wonder how I ever liked him or fancied him and I feel like I must have been actually insane- was that really me? It’s a bit scary to not really know what was going on and how I changed so much- I think of boys i went out with at school and I would never go out with them now, but I understand why I went out with them at the time. With my ex i almost feel physically sick thinking I was with him, it’s just so weird and I want to forget it happened without really forgetting it made me who i am now which i’m grateful for.

Working with people in dodgy relationships and messed up families all day long does get you thinking, how much they make their situation or are a product of their upbringing or whether some people are just unlucky? You learn a lot and my views on some things have changed, i think i am getting even less tolerant and more harsh in my thinking!

I am just finding it weird comprehending a face I once liked to look at, now I shudder a bit when i see it. Is this crazy?

Anways, like a wise man says, “all relationships fail until one doesn’t. So stop obsessing and get to work!”. So that’s what I’ll do.

Also I sent C a message saying I missed him and he sent me this song by Soko called ‘ I will never love you more’. it’s a nice song, huh?

[hopefully edit this post when my computer will let me add links and pics, damn crappy windows 2000 professional!]


3 thoughts on “afternoon

  1. Wise man say: You’ll stop loathing, hating and being disgusted by JF when you’re entirely emotionally clear of the relationship. Moving on takes a bit of time.

    You’re going to have to start paying me for these snippets.

  2. Ah Chris! You got in first. That was EXACTLY what I was going to say.

    I went to the other side of the world to get over my ex husband and after about 2 years….it had worked. Now we get together with him and his wife (grammar..?..ah wtf) and have a great time when the Baby Angel has some sort of memorable thing we all have to attend. I can see what I liked about him but I can also see EXACTLY why it was NEVER going to work and why his wife (who is lovely)is EXACTLY right for him! đŸ™‚
    There was definitely a time when I couldn’t discuss him without loathing though.
    Sounds like work is bringing up all sorts of interesting old issues for you?

  3. Just a quick comment on ‘growing kids’ and ‘bringing them up’.

    We used to say
    Q: How do you bring up a kid in (insert name of chav suburb)?
    A: Put your fingers down your throat.

    I actually call the in-utero part the ‘growing’ her and the rest is just pot luck.

    Love hearing from you. Sorry you didn’t have parties. Perhaps someone will make up for it now?

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