Still no internet

Still no internet, so writing at work cos some people not in and on my side of the desk there’s only me.

Good things today:
– it’s sunny
– i’ve bought a magazine to read
– i ate 3 brunch bars

bad things today
– i ate 3 brunch bars
– my husband is being a jerk over the divorce, he thinks I am trying to do him or fuck him over, but all I am trying to do is get divorced from that twat. why cant he just sign the thing and return it? and pay me £205 since i’m paying it all.
– i feel jealous of people doing or having PhDs and that’s a bad sign. I feel not so good in myself today, like I wish I was something else. I dont like me so much today. I wish i appreciated myself more but instead I just tell myself I’m dull and worthless. i dont know why, i would never say these things to other people. fucker.

still looking for a job. I would like to do a PhD cos it’s sweet and i#’d feel good about myself, but i am not good at research and I dont like the competetive work all hours and get nothing back approach. and i’m not that interested in the little bits. i like the big picture man. I would like to do a PhD in the arts and sit and read and wite all day, that would be fun.

i am just insecure today and it’s doing my head in. I’ve been trying really hard not to beat myself up about shit and then today I’ve just caved and feel down. oh well, will feel better another day.

spoke to a girl on the line last night for an hour, she was really nice, and I got on really well with her. i could really relate to the things she was saying, I was worried I was sounding patronising when i was telling her things I do to feel better, but man that conversation was helping me to. I guess that’s why i do it, sometimes it can be depressing as hell but sometimes you can help yourself while you help others.

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2 thoughts on “Still no internet

  1. Ah, there’s that angst that we all know and love.

    That help line thing is cool, huh, I do something like that. I don’t think you should worry about sounding patronizing or anything. People call because they can’t figure shit out and sometimes it’s the simple things that we miss out on. The bonus of those kind of things is that they help us too.

    Your husband is a twat. That will teach you to get married just to have a party. Bint.

  2. I’m right down there with you wee girlie. Don’t feel bad about PhDs though. They don’t make or break us. Left work feeling crap on monday. Went to the gym and after an hour’s workout felt 100% better. En-fuckin-dorphins man….
    Indeed, helping others is a double blessing. Keep at it. I’m sure we will both resurface soon.

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