Finally

So I’m deleting most of this post, as sometimes I’m even too crazy for me, and I don’t like to remind myself. But I’ll leave the comments. I like them.

Finally, 30 mins to myself at home with my lap top AND THE INTERNET. yep, BT lucked in and talktalk lucked out. Or were indeed so outrageously incompetent I, a native of Scotland, went with the more expensive service.

So now I’m back in the blogging sphere. I like to share my craziness with most of the world but I like to think I limit it a bit about those who might take it personally.

Had an interview this afternoon but wont say more til find out tomorrow. Unless I didn’t get it then I will never speak of it ever, ever again and will probably hate anyone i ever meet who had a similar job. so there.

Feel kinda low at the moment, think because I don’t have a plan. I don’t know where I’m going, what the point is so to speak. I’ve always had a plan, and now I don’t. Where will I be in 5 years? ain’t a duck in a graveyard’s clue. Then I feel bad about myself cos I judge myself harshly, I cant help feeling inadequate or not quite as good as others i meet. then i don’t see my friends often and i start to think they canny be arsed with me. I just get all neurotic and paranoid and dead insecure. DELETING THIS POST-
and do you think I could explain this whole sorry going-ons in my head? NO! I sound like a total nutter. which I am. but I wanted to be able to explain that to someone, and this blog allows me to ‘let out the crazy’. so sorry about that, but I hope I can ‘let out the crazy’ here and then go on my way.

I know I gotta stop being insecure and be confident in myself but I dont feel good about myself at the moment. I feel like some other numpty on the street that just rolls along doing a piss-poor job with no plan, no ambition, no gumption. and I don’t like it.

OK, off to a cycle class at the gym to burn some crazy off. night xxx

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2 thoughts on “Finally

  1. I must introduce you to my sister. She goes through exactly the same mental(ist) processes in her head. Still, at least blogging about it enables you to ‘get on’ with living. Re: the facebook thing…I am SURE it was B) and I think you should mention it to him. Just clear the air. Tell him he’s not helping you to ‘get over’ this insecurity by ‘covering up’ or helping you avoid situations which might ‘upset’ you. Secondly, why not get some counseling? (I could have sworn that had 2 ‘l’ s) It could help you get right back down to the roots of why you feel so insecure and perhaps reprogram some of that thinking. From what I can see, the only difference between you and C’s old friend is that she is doing a PhD! All other adjectives apply. I was stuck for many years thinking my intellect was my prime ‘worth’ and needing to ‘prove’ how clever I was. It is incredibly free-ing to just be who you are, exactly as you were intended to be, not how you perceive others want you to be. Right I’ll shut up now. Glad you’re back online. Love calling in!

  2. Facebook is designed to drive people insane, I’m pretty sure. I’m also pretty sure that you can’t exercise the crazy away.

    Thanks for the lollies. Yummm, English candy. Australian chocolate is crap, almost as bad as American!

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