Letters I will never send my boyfriend, No.1

Dear XY,

I need to be able to tell you when I am upset or worried, and I need you to be able to listen. I am not demanding but I am not a push over either, and some things are important to me that aren’t very big asks. I want to feel that you think of me, and that my feelings matter.

I thought we had decided to meet at two, after multiple conversations when you said you’d be back by then. It doesn’t matter if it was two or ten, I don’t mind when you’re back, I just think it’s polite to either
– not make a time commitment
– let someone know in advance of when you were supposed to meet that you wont be able to make it
– show them you care if you couldn’t let them know by calling them at the earliest opportunity and apologising. Otherwise the message you give is that they are not high on your priorities and the feelings of others matter more than theirs. This is polite and the least I would do for an acquaintance let alone the person I purport to love most.

Of course I am going to feel insecure when you are seeing ex partners or taking part in a part of your life I am excluded from.  You would feel the same. When I went up North I made sure I texted you and called you and made sure you knew at all times I was thinking of you, just in case you felt a bit insecure or needy, cos I love you and never want you to feel bad. If you have time off I would prioritise seeing you first. I come home in my lunch hours to see you. I sit in the car with you to your work to spend time with you. So you can understand why I would feel a low priority when in the few hours I have off you’re late back from spending time with an ex.

Moaning about how you had been home for hours when I did see you, when I texted you to let you know where I was going at all times, is double standards. It is not fair to expect me to wait around for you if you do not extend the same courtesy to me. That tells me that your feelings matter but mine don’t.

The main thing I get upset about is not being able to tell you when things upset me, this is very important, as I have told you before. Otherwise, again, you can vent to me about how you are feeling and why you are stressed and I am supposed to listen, but when I calmly tell you how I am feeling I get someone shouting at me. This isn’t fair.

I don’t think these things are “needy”. I don’t cry and scream. I just want to feel important to you by you texting me before you are going to be late, and letting me tell you when something like this is important. They are not big asks. They are not something to shout at me about.

Love XX


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